There is a squirrel loose in the house.  Not that any of us have actually seen it but strong evidence indicates its presence.  Yesterday, 20 minutes before I had to be at work, I hear a disturbing noise from the laundry room. The dryer vent hose is moving and a scrabbling noise is coming from the area. Not good. No time to deal with this. Text to housemates, “something has come in through the dryer vent – it doesn’t sound small.”

Several hours later I get a call at work, “it chewed through the hose and is somewhere in the house.”  Advice: small animal live trap loaded with a buffet of squirrel appealing food – nuts, seeds, cheese (?), broccoli (?) – who could resist?

24 hours later – no sign of the intruder.

Joy, “we need a gun.” “what!?!” She is staring out the kitchen window watching a red squirrel loading up on seeds at the bird feeder. “look at that little bastard eat while his friend is running rampant through our house. A sniper could take care of it.”

“Joy, we can’t set up a sniper in the laundry room waiting for a squirrel to poke its head out.  You need to stop binge watching episodes of The Unit.”

“You know, squirrels should be nesting right about now. I wonder if it was looking for a place to have its young?”

Anna, “Oh My God! I would burn the house down and change my name.”

Stay tuned…….